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Deviation Actions
The Good:
- Making it to two years with Sarah.
- Making a few great friends at my college.
- Discovering Doctor Who, Sherlock, Supernatural, Madoka Magica, and tumblr (not necessarily in that order).
- Went to Naka Con with my best friends.
- Graduated high school without murdering anybody.
- Getting a job
- Getting my first tattoo
- Being let off of a small accident with 25 hours of community service and zero fines.
The Bad:
- Spending three days in a small hotel room with my mom, sister, and three dogs because my power was out due to snow.
- My grandmother going to the hospital due to a heart attack and the doctors discovering blockages and cancer.
- My grandmother dying.
- My cousin being diagnosed with cancer.
- My cousin being given the year to live.
- My best friend's mother dying.
- My best friend's step father dying.
- Nearly failing a majority of my classes due to my own laziness and stupidity.
- Losing both jobs I got hired for.
- My counselor blaming everything that happened to me on my decision to coming out and wanting to be happy.
- Constantly worrying about things beyond my control
- Being convinced the world is shit by Sandy Hook, Boston, and Arapaho.
- My depression coming back in full force but not wanting to be on anymore medications forever.
- Being suicidal on more than one occasion
- Desperately wanting to cut again
- Being the cause of a small accident that nearly cost me what little money I have.
- My best friend's grandfather dying.
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant." - Eleventh Doctor
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This Empty Ache
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I want. I'm scared.
At twenty years old, I'm supposed to know what I want to major in and what I want to do with my life. I'm supposed to have a part time job while being a full time student, succeeding, working towards a job that will make me happy.
I'm so tired. All the time. Either that or I'm hungry, which is making me so fat and disgusting and I hate myself for not having the willpower to stop myself and I'm too fucking lazy to get up and exercise. My mom is worried about me. About me getting sick because I'm a fat ass.
I have... ideas of what I want to do with my life. But they seem so s
No One Listened
I said this boy was bad news. I said that he will control her, hurt her, and she will never let him go.
No one listened.
What's the point of even having a voice if no one hears me?
NaNoWriMo
Here we go...
I'm still trying to figure out if I'm sane or not.
Fifty thousand words in thirty days.
I just might keel over before this is done.
The Blame Game
So, I guess everything that has ever happened to me (the endless bullying, cyberbullying, and being corrective raped by one of my best guy friends) is my fault. Or, at least, that's what I was told.
I was told by my counselor, the one person who is supposed to be on my side, that because I was tired of living in fear and wanting to find a girl who made me happy, I opened myself up for all the harassment I endured. Okay, yeah, I can see that, but really? How is it my fault I live in a world where I am considered to be unnatural? Essentially, if I had been black, she would have told me to act white so I wouldn't be bullied.
"Okay, you're a les
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